Removed
by KriegDiadem
Summary: Set during 1x16.  Mercedes tries to convince the Cheerios to do "Beautiful" during the pep rally.


**AN: **I just got on the Glee train in January and if I could only pick a single OTP across all my fandoms, Santittany would be it. I just watched 1x16 (Home) and immediately felt the need to write this. Warning: Some language.

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><p>Quinn is right. Even if she could lose twelve pounds in four days, she won't.<p>

She doesn't want to. Her body is fine. She is fine just as she is, no matter what Coach Sylvester says. No. She's more than fine, she's…

_Beautiful_.

She knows what she has to do now. But Kurt will never go for it, with his grated celery or whatever, and she can't stand up to Coach Sylvester by herself. She can't even imagine what kind of punishment Coach is going to come up with. She's going to need backup. She needs the other Cheerios.

It's probably too late to choreograph anything fancy. It's definitely too late to choreograph anything that's at a Cheerios level. So they'll keep it simple. She'll sing the lead, and the Cheerios can join in on the chorus, and if she keeps things simple, anyone will be able to join in.

It will work. There is only one major problem with her plan, and that is convincing the Cheerios to join in on her scheme. But she's sure she can convince them.

Or she was sure, anyway, but now that she's standing face-to-face with Santana Lopez, she's a little less sure. She's never quite figured out how a girl half her size could be quite so intimidating.

Santana's eyebrow arcs and her lips purse just so. "No."

"Come on, Santana." She puts her hands on her hips, standing her ground, though she can't quite meet Santana's glare. "Everyone'll love it."

"No. There's no way in hell I'm letting you turn my Cheerios into another freaking glee club!"

Maybe she can try a different tactic. She takes a few steps towards the rest of the cheerleaders, and tries to ignore how she can still feel Santana's glare burning a hole in her back.

"Listen up, ladies. Haven't any of you ever felt fat, or ugly, or worthless, or unloved?" She feels a little bad when she sees the winces and unhappy expressions cross the Cheerios' faces, but she presses on. "You're all beautiful. None of you need MasterCleanse. We just need to show that to Coach Sylvester."

She looks at the Cheerios and waits expectantly, but no one is saying anything, not even Santana.

Finally, one of them speaks up. "Santana," she says, in a very quiet voice, "I wouldn't mind doing it."

Murmurs of agreement thread through the gym, the Cheerios smiling very furtively at Mercedes.

"So you all want to be losers, singing about how beautiful you are _on the inside_? This sappy shit isn't going to win us Nationals. I am being very clear here Mercedes. My Cheerios are not-"

"But Santana-" the same Cheerio tries to say something, but Santana cuts her off.

"What's that, Jessica? Did you just interrupt your team captain? I know memory goes with age, but even someone who has to repeat her senior year should remember what happened to Megan with that nail file. And how it was never _officially_ linked to me."

The Cheerios all freeze, the murmurs immediately stopping. She is about to ask what happened to Megan, but she catches Brittany's eyes, and Brittany silently shakes her head.

Maybe she doesn't want to know what happened to Megan.

She sighs in resignation. Santana is the one she has to convince, and the rest will follow. So she turns around again, and stands very close to Santana.

"Santana, don't tell me you've never felt fat, ugly, worthless, or unloved," she says.

She thought she'd see a flicker in her eyes, or a tightening of her eyebrows, or anything, but she should have known better. Santana is confidence embodied, and she immediately scoffs at the suggestion that she's ever felt otherwise.

"Please. Do you have eyes? Do you see what I see every day in the mirror? Everyone wants to get up on this and I am worth more than the whole pathetic No Directions put together" – and for a moment Santana's eyes flicker to the side – "except Brittany."

She struggles to keep the grin off her face. She really should have realized it earlier. It's not Santana that she needs to convince.

So she keeps a straight face and just shrugs instead.

"Fine."

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><p>Santana had been immediately suspicious when Mercedes had called an emergency Cheerios meeting and had grown even more suspicious when she noticed that Kurt was absent. Now she knows that she should have never allowed the meeting.<p>

Regrets. She doesn't have many, but when she has them they hit her hard. She really regrets that meeting, because now there are four words that she can't get out of her head.

FAT, UGLY, WORTHLESS, UNLOVED

She's stripped down to her underwear and is looking at herself in the mirror. Her hips jut out underneath her hard abs. Fat? Far from it, and she never will be, as long as she keeps drinking that MasterCleanse crap. _Dora the Explorer, you need to stop exploring Breadstix or you'll start having the same gravitational pull as the Earth does and you'll stop being a flier!_

Ugly? Her skin is flawless. Her face is perfectly symmetrical and her lips are to die for. Brittany is the hottest piece of action at school but second place isn't so bad. She crosses an arm over her chest. Fine. Maybe she wishes her boobs were a little bigger. _You're pretty hot for a flat-chested chick_. Fucking Puck. That doesn't make her ugly though, or anything.

Worthless? _Garbageface_. An undefeatable sense of self-worth is pretty much ingrained in her survival mechanism.

Unloved? Okay, maybe not a lot of people love her, but there's at least one person who always will. _Shh, it's okay, San. We'll always be best friends, no matter what. And, anyway, I didn't mind. Actually, I'd really like it if you would kiss me again_.

Mercedes is crazy. Maybe the other Cheerios have a reason to feel like those things, but Santana isn't going to allow them to air those _feelings_ publicly, like the glee losers would, and she sure as hell won't associate herself with them.

Then she realizes she's been staring at the mirror for the past ten minutes thinking about said feelings. She shakes her head. She doesn't need introspection. She knows who she is. The hottest bitch in all of Lima, Ohio. Possibly the hottest bitch in the whole state.

Her cellphone's screen lights up.

**Britt-Britt: I like Beautiful**

She smiles. Of course Brittany would like the song. It's perfect for overwrought contemporary choreo.

**Britt-Britt: Have you ever watched the video?**

As if.

**S: You know how I feel about Xtina, Britt. I haven't seen it.**

**Britt-Britt: That's too bad. I wish you would watch it. It's really good.**

She sighs but boots up her laptop and finds the video.

Christina in a room. Some skinny guy. More Christina in a room. Some chick in front of a fireplace. Some old guy in a room. Some REALLY skinny chick in front of a mirror. Two guys very close to each other. Some girl getting beat up. Some goth or punk or whatever on a bus. _Then the guys are kissing, and that old guy is putting on a bra, oh god –_

Then the girl breaks the mirror –

And she knows that Coach Sylvester believes in them, because otherwise she wouldn't push them so hard every day. But she really hates MasterCleanse and she really hates how her grandmother always tells her to eat more.

She licks her lips. She tastes salt. _Tears?_

_Fuck this._

The next day she finds Brittany at their lockers.

"So did you watch the video?" Brittany asks.

She presses her mouth into a thin line. "I did, Brittany, and I'm sorry, but we just can't do that song at the pep rally! If we do, then the Cheerios will all look insecure, and we'll stop being the top bitches at this school."

She pulls her locker open to avoid seeing Brittany's disappointed expression. She takes her time to grab her books and then slams her locker door shut and her whole avoidance scheme was pointless because Brittany's expression still screams "DISAPPOINTED".

"Sometimes," Brittany says, "I feel really fat, even though I know I'm not. Sometimes I feel kind of ugly, especially since I hang out with you and Quinn all the time, even though I know I'm not. Sometimes I feel really worthless, just because I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid, Britt," she interjects, but Brittany just shakes her head.

"And sometimes, I feel really unloved, even though I'm obviously not." Then Brittany smiles and she can't help but smile back. "I know you've never felt fat or ugly or worthless or unloved or anything, because why would you? But haven't you ever felt bad about something you know you shouldn't?"

_Fuck. Shit. Fuck this shit._

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><p>She can tell that Mercedes kind of wishes she had never suggested singing Beautiful, because now on top of regular Cheerios practice, they're spending hours after school getting the harmonies down. As Head Cheerio, Santana is determined to never do a less than perfect routine.<p>

And even though Santana'd never admit it, she's in _glee club _for a reason. If they're going to sing, they're going to do it damn well. Her words.

And that means that Santana is at the piano every day, and they go through scales for an hour, and then Mercedes takes over and they learn the harmonies for another hour, and then Santana gives all the Cheerios an hour-long pep talk about how they have to do this even if Coach Sylvester is going to kill them afterwards, and by the time they get to go home it's 10 o'clock.

She is really tired by Thursday but she's also really excited for the pep rally. Santana is excited, too, and their pinkies are squeezed extra tight together as they wait for their cue. Then they walk into the auditorium, and Mercedes gives her speech.

"What is she doing?" Kurt asks.

She wishes that Kurt was a part of this because he's a really good singer and he has nice eyes but Mercedes said that Kurt absolutely could not be involved in it.

So she lies. "I don't know."

Then Mercedes is singing. She listens to the lyrics and she can only think about how much she wishes people would stop hating themselves. How much she wishes Santana would stop hating herself, and she can't figure out why Santana would hate herself, because the girl is so awesome in every way.

_So don't you bring me down today_

"No matter what we do, no matter what we say," she sings, and Santana is right beside her, singing and smiling and it feels like her heart is squeezing really tightly. Maybe she's having a heart attack, because the love she feels right now is overwhelming.

"We're the song that's out of tune, full of beautiful mistakes."

_And everywhere we go, the sun will always, always shine_


End file.
